Apple Tart

Yesterday, football manager Arsene Wenger shoved Chelsea boss Jose Mourinho in the chest and in doing so thrust the reputation of football even further below that of The Liberal Democrats, who are themselves about as popular as Jeremy Clarkson at an Argentinian veterans rally.

It wasn’t just Stamford Bridge that experienced a chill in the air, as this morning I felt post summer had grabbed the rest of the capital by the scruff of the neck, pushing it over the seasonal touchline.

Given the time of year and yesterdays goings on, I’m offering a French tart of my own, featuring the autumnal crowd pleaser Granny Smith. First I blitzed the flour, salt and sugar together and then added the butter and water until a dough was formed. This was refrigerated for 30 mins, rolled out into rectangles, and topped with the apple halves which were glazed with apricot jam, dotted with butter, and sprinkled with sugar. After baking for approximately 45 minutes on 200oC, almonds were sprinkled on the top.

I’m suggesting henceforth there be a Khilafah on poor levels of deportment, and that messrs Wenger, Mourinho and Clarkson all be sent to Aleppo in a car with the number plate “ISIS are Plums’” on front and back; with any luck it might shut them all up until winter.

Serves 6

For the pastry:

175 g flour
Pinch of salt
2 teaspoons Sugar
115 very cold unsalted butter diced
3-4 tablespoons cold water

For the tart:
2 Granny Smith Apples, sliced and then halved
Juice of half a lemon
3 tablespoons granulated sugar
2 tablespoons cold unsalted butter
2 tablespoons apricot jam
3 tablespoons sliced almonds, lightly toasted