You can cross my bridge if you tell my where the best restaurant in Ibiza is.

I love Ibiza and whilst there, always like to visit the amazing Es Torrent, which serves St Pierre, a speciality of the Island. It’s rather expensive so I figured I’d book easyjet flights to balance the books. With only carry on bags, Pracilla and I figured we’d flamenco past the check-in desk to our seats pre-booked on the front row. Maisie the easyjet boarding troll had other idea’s, asking my friend to put her handbag in her carry-on. Whilst we followed orders the leprechaun dressed in Orange announced last call to eyebeefa; I suggested under my breath a more congenial pronunciation of “Ibetha”, which earnt me:

1. £80 fine
2. A telling off for being posh
3. The indignity of watching our bags go to the underbelly of the plain
4. A fifteen-minute wait at the baggage carrousel.

The weekend was never the less a delight, and the culinary highlight an whole St Pierre garnished with a little olive oil, black pepper and roasted in the oven with potatoes and tomato, served by Juan (see photo).

The lesson I learnt is that if the hobgoblin at the front of the bridge asks questions so you can get to the other side don’t be cleaver, tell them what they want to hear. For example the best restaurant on the Island is anywhere in St Antonio that has a picture of a British Policeman holding a pint; don’t mention Es Torrent in Sant Josep, absolutely no one wins if you do.