Burger served on a Blatter

I’ve come a long way since watching Dumpy’s Rusty Nuts at the Cartoon in Croydon. My musical peregrination flew through Monsters of Rock, Glastonbury, The Phoenix Festival, Woodstock and in 2000 touched down on the end of a runway in Ibiza, at a filthy little rave called DC10. These day’s it’s a much cleaner affair, and on Friday I was lucky to catch one of the club’s resident DJ’s The Martinez Brothers play a set of records in Belgravia that were grubbier then a FIFA presidential election.

A grimy rave prompted much needed hangover food, so on Saturday I headed straight for the excellent Dirty Burger in Kentish Town.

My version of a cheese slider is made by frying off diced onions with a little chili; once cooled mix with quality mincemeat, breadcrumbs, tomato ketchup, and egg. After seasoning and then shaping into burgers, place on a hot griddle pan for 3 minutes each side, adding the cheese slice after flipping over; for the best results cover with a stainless steel clochette during the cooking process. Whilst resting the meat, lightly toast two halves of a bun. To make the dill relish, mix all the ingredients together and then top the burger with a tablespoon of this wonderful condiment, a slice of tomato, and lettuce.

On the matter of the FIFA scandal I’m sure the rest of the avaricious world football organization could say they don’t think Sep Blatter is guilty and all put their gold Ulysee Nardin watch’s on it, but the truth is the whole lot of them should be rounded up, imprisoned in Michael Jackson’s Wonderland ranch which has just been put up for sale, and be made to watch the entire World Cup 2010 South Africa on continuous video loop, until the start of World Cup Qatar 2022.


(Serves 2)

1 small onion diced
½ tspn chili powder
200g beef mince
1 handful toasted breadcrumbs
1 tspn tomato Ketchup
½ egg beaten
1 large slice of tomato
2 Burger Buns
1 slice of extra mature cheddar cheese

For the Dill relish:

1 tablespoon Extra Virgin Olive Oil
1 tbsp. White Wine Vinegar
1 tbsp. Dijon Mustard
½ cup mayonnaise
4-tspn sweet pickle relish
1 tbsp. minced white onion
1 tspn sugar
Pinch salt